The OP OC Break Down Interview
by RenKain
Summary: This is not going according to plan...
1. Chapter 1

The sequel to 'What Would Happen If' is finally in progress! It's fighting back pretty hard, though. So, to give my muses a little bit of fodder I decided to do an interview with my OC and the 'cast' of One Piece about the first story. They, being themselves, decided not to cooperate with my master plan and this is the result.

Warning: Slight** spoiler** for the War Arc if you concentrate and squint a little.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

Again, I apologize in advance... This isn't the original way I had written the interview, so I hope it's still okay.

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><p>The narrator for the cheesy day time show waves to the audience. "Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to our One Piece original character break-down interview special!"<p>

Crowd cheers.

Narrator begins, "So, here we are with our randomly selected guest for this week's special interview, Haeven Renna. Say hello to everyone, Miss Renna."

Renna waves at crowd. "Hello to everyone, Miss Renna."

The narrator mumbles behind his hand, "Hem, not really what I meant…"

"And I wasn't randomly selected, you know." Renna smiles cheerfully.

The narrator ignores her and looks away. "Anyway" he coughs, "also with us today we have Monkey D Luffy, Roronoa Zoro, Cat Burglar Nami, Nico Robin, Black Leg Sanji, Sogeking Ussop, Cyborg Franky, Brooke and Tony Tony Chopper. And with that let's begin-"

Ace steps in. "'Scuse me, sir. You forgot one."

"Where the he- I mean…hem… and Portgas D Ace." The narrator continues again. "Now, getting on with-"

Law steps in next to Ace. "Actually, you forgot two."

The narrator blinks in confusion. "What? Alright, "he takes a deep breath, "_and_ Trafalgar Law. What are you even doing here, anyway?"

Law shrugs. "I was bored."

Narrator looks at him, worried, "That's not really-"

Shanks waves from the corner of the stage. "Three."

The narrator flaps his arms wildly. "What is going on here? _Where is security? _SECURITY!"

Shanks frowns at him. "…That isn't really necessary, sir. Please calm down."

"I am _completely_ calm! Fine! _Aaaaand_ Captain Red Hair Shanks! Happy?" The narrator scowls at Shanks.

Shanks smirks. "Very."

Renna shakes her head. "Poor bastard…"

"No kidding." Nami agrees. "How's he going to handle all of us at once?"

The narrator is fairly stressed by this point. "I'll manage ladies, thank you! Can we kindly start the interview now?"

Zoro yawns. "Any time…_please_…."

Sanji glowers at him. "Like you have anything better to do, shitty swordsman!"

Zoro stands up. "What was that? _Wanna-be Love Cook?_"

Sanji also stands up. "You heard me! _Moss-headed muscle brain!_"

Ussop steps between them. "Hey! Knock it off, you two! This is about Renna!"

"Not really…" Renna mumbles.

-BAM-

Nami dusts her hands on her pants and grins. "Taken care of. Let's move on."

Zoro and Sanji groan on the floor.

The narrator looks down at the two men. "Eh…Is that safe?"

Nami glares at the narrator. "They'll be fine. Now, the interview?"

The narrator begins to sweat. "Yes! The interview. So, Haeven Renna, how did you end up traveling along side the Straw Hat Pirates to begin with?"

"I died," Renna answers.

"_What?"_

Renna shrugs. "Yeah. Technically, my heart stopped for a few seconds. So I died. It wasn't too bad, though."

"How can that not be bad?" the narrator twitches.

Renna shrugs again. "Well I woke up, didn't I?"

The poor narrator stares at her "…You're just as crazy as they are."

Ace, still standing to one side, scratches his head. "Does that mean we're in an after-life?"

The sound of crickets fills the stage, signifying an awkward moment.

Luffy, Zoro and Ussop shrug and toe the ground. "Eh…well…"

Nami jumps up behind them. "Don't answer that!" BAM, BAM, BAM!

Luffy, Zoro and Ussop groan. "Oww…"

Shanks laughs. "Hey, Luffy! Been awhile!"

Luffy sits up. "Hey Shanks!"

Law looks around to Luffy. "Who's the crazy girl?" He points at Renna.

Renna scowls at him. "None of your business. I'm not even going to meet you anyway, so the point is moot."

Law stares at her, then back to Luffy. "…I want one."

The narrator throws his hands up in frustration. "This is not working! You!" He points to Ace, Law and Shanks. "You guys are not even _in_ this story! And you," he gestures at Franky and Brooke, "aren't here until the sequel! _What are you all doing in this interview?"_

Mentioned characters look away pointedly, ignoring narrator.

Robin shrugs from her seat. "It's no use, Mr. Narrator. Just pretend they aren't here."

The harassed-looking narrator smiles at her. "Nico Robin. Finally, someone with a sense of sanity!"

Robin smiles back. "I could kill them for you, if you like."

"Eh…no thanks," the narrator sweats again. "Uhm," he shuffles papers nervously, "as I was saying… Renna, when did you first realize you were with the notorious Straw Hats?"

Renna thinks about this for a moment. "Just about the time I fell through the ceiling in the cargo bay, tried to attack Zoro and was almost killed by a Sea King. Yeah, right around then."

The narrator falls forward onto his desk. "I…give up…" he mutters, then begins shouting. "What kind of OC tries to do that to _themselves_? Are you _insane_?"

Renna cocks an eyebrow. "It's actually pretty common. Don't you read fan-fiction?"

"You still haven't apologized for all that trouble, by the way," Zoro mutters.

Renna whips around to face him. "You haven't apologized for traumatizing me, either!"

Zoro glowers. "I didn't ask for you to invade our ship, you bossy, stubborn, obnoxious, ungrateful-"

Nami shakes her head. "This could go on for awhile…"

"Clumsy, weird, messy, lazy, cowardly-" Zoro continues.

Renna stands up. "You little punk! You want to talk faults? Fine! You are the most rude, loud, presumptuous, crazy, obsessive, brainless, obtuse, moronic-"

Zoro stands again as well and keeps shouting, "Usurping, over-bearing, NUTCASE!"

"Clueless, pushy, NEANDERTHAL!"

The crickets decide to perform an encore.

Luffy tilts his head. "Hey, Zoro. You forgot 'mermaid'."

Renna and Zoro turn to look at him simultaneously. "SHUT UP, LUFFY!"

Luffy tilts his head the other way. "So, when are you two getting married?"

BAM

Nami smiles evily. "Again, taken care of."

"Oww…" Luffy grumbles.

"Hem…"


	2. Chapter 2

Second part!

Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Oda

Warnings: Meh, not many

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><p>The rumpled narrator gives a wide, fake smile. "Now then, after that little 'break' in the interview, let's get back to it. Hehe… Again, this question is directed at Haeven Renna; did you ever feel that your life was threatened during your stay with the Straw Hat pirates?"<p>

"After-life." Chopper correct him. "Remember?"

The narrator drops his head. "Eh…yes. Your after-life?"

Renna's eyes widen. "Are you kidding? I'm surprised I'm still alive."

"Hey!" Luffy protests. "No faith!"

Renna looks at Luffy. "Oh, come on! Sea Kings, giant birds, a psychotic swordsman. What chance did I have?"

Zoro scowls and folds his arms. "If you didn't trip over your own damn feet every third step-"

"I _will _drown you, cave man!" Renna interrupts angrily.

"Just try it, you little book worm!" Zoro snarls back at her.

"Hem…" The narrator clears his throat, confused. "Don't female OC's usually _like_ Roronoa Zoro?"

Nami waves it off. "It's fine. This is just how they communicate."

The narrator stares at her. "You've got to be joking…"

"Just put him in an empty room," Sanji suggests to Renna. "He'll never find his way out."

"Shut up, Curly Brow!" Zoro snarls.

"One more interruption and you are gone, Mr. Zoro!" the narrator yelps, sending papers flying in every direction.

Zoro glares at him. "I will cut you…."

The narrator gulps.

Ace turns to Renna. "So, Renna. How did you end up here, anyway?"

"You mean in One Piece?" Renna frowns. "I already answered that."

"No, on this show," Ace gestures. "How'd you get roped into this one?"

"_I_ am conducting the interview!" the narrator howls. "_Me_. You are not allowed to ask our randomly selected guest questions, Mr. Ace! You're not even supposed to be here! Go sit down!"

"Please, try to calm yourself!" Chopper warns. "Too much stress is bad for you, Mr. Narrator."

"Not random," Renna folds her arms.

Ace and Law sit next to Luffy and Zoro. Shanks prowls around behind them, examining the stage and humming to himself.

Law sighs. "This is boring."

"No one asked you to show up!" The narrator is very close to hyperventilating as he glares at Law. "Like I said before, you aren't involved in the first place!" He smoothes his greasy hair and takes a deep breath. "Hem…Let's try a different approach, shall we?"

Luffy isn't listening. "Sanjiiiiii. I'm hungryyyyyyy."

"We're kind of in the middle of something, Luffy," Sanji reminds him.

"But I'm gonna _dieeeeeee_," Luffy whines.

Sanji ignores him.

"Hey," Shanks calls from the back of the stage. "What's this big red button for? The one that looks like Buggy's nose?"

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" the narrator shrieks.

Too late.

Confetti pours from the ceiling, followed by lively music and a loud voice over a speaker. "_Congratulations! You are our 100__th__ randomly selected guest!_"

Shanks looks pleased. "I am?"

"No!" the narrator snaps. "You are not! Kindly sit down, Mr. Shanks!"

Hearing the music, Brooke jumps to his feet and pulls a violin from his jacket. "It's a Panty Party!"

"Super Panty Party Dance!" Franky stands as well and starts a hip-thrust move in front of the narrator.

"Perverts!" Nami kicks them both into the wall and sits back down.

"Hem…"

"Hey you," Renna looks at the narrator. "How long is this going to take? Luffy, don't eat the confetti."

The narrator slams his head onto his desk. "It was supposed to be over by now…"

Luffy looks up from the floor. "Eh? This isn't candy?"

"Moron," Sanji shakes his head. "I told you to wait." He pulls a cigarette from his pocket.

"You can't smoke in here!" The narrator yells. "What is wrong with you people? Have you all lost your minds?"

Ace is juggling three balls of fire and looks over at the shout, almost burning Law and Zoro. Sanji is choking Luffy for eating the confetti while Shanks looks for more buttons. Robin is tickling Chopper and Ussop with her phantom hands and Nami is seriously contemplating murdering at least half of her crew.

"I've lost control!" the narrator wails, throwing his arms up in defeat.

"Get out of the way, moss head!"

"Stop it!"

"Panty party!"

"I said no!"

Three separate fights break out simultaneously and Renna asks above the noise, "Did you forget? They're pirates."

The narrator, having been knocked unconscious by a wayward chair, doesn't reply.

"I've seen enough," Law stands and stretches, having been somehow excluded from the fighting. "Let's go, Ace."

Renna gets to her feet. "_Please_ let me go with you guys. I need a break."

Ace grins and throws an arm over her shoulders. "No problem."

Law nods. "Come on. I hear there's a nice sake bar downstairs."

"So," Ace starts, "I hear you're actually a mermaid…"

The three exit the stage.

"Chopper, get off me! I'm gonna strangle him!"

"If you so much as think about putting that in your nose, I swear you won't be recognizable by the time I'm done with you!"

"Wait! That isn't meant to bend that way!"

"Sanjiii! Fooood!"

"Shut up, already!"

"Uhm," Robin looks around. "Where's Renna?"

Drooling on his desk, the narrator mutters, "This isn't going according to plan…"


End file.
